


To Rion and Back

by KananOrgana



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M, Hera is stubborn and generally difficult, Kanan needs a hug, Post-Star Wars: A New Dawn, Pre-Star Wars: Rebels, Romantic Tension, chopper is an orange menace, hera won't admit it but she could use a hug too, hera's gonna be doing some plotting, hera's in complete denial, kanan is a lovesick puppy, sexual tension out the ASS
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:00:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22393651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KananOrgana/pseuds/KananOrgana
Summary: A year after Kanan joins Hera on the Ghost, they find themselves hitting a bit of a rough patch. They're also both oblivious idiots so resolving it isn't going to happen any time soon...Rating will almost definitely change in the future, but we'll see
Relationships: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Comments: 8
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

“Chopper, divert power to the hyperdrive and plug the coordinates into the nav computer!” Hera yelled, banking sharply to the right to avoid a TIE fighter. Her jaw was set and brows furrowed, completely focused on the scene in front of her. She was pissed, but she had no one to blame but herself; she was the one that tripped the alarm while sneaking onto a Star Destroyer in an attempt to make off with a few proton bombs. Or twenty. But who’s counting?

The little orange astromech warbled about how they hadn’t had a simple mission going off without a hitch ever since he came on board. The he in question rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. He didn’t understand everything the rust bucket said, but he did understand “useless meatbag”, which had quickly become Chopper’s favorite way to refer to the man.

He was Kanan Jarrus. A drifter, former drunk, bit of a cowboy, and some--or a lot--would even say he’s a scoundrel. Hera’d picked him up while on a mission on Gorse about a year before. Although, it was almost the other way around. They’d run into each other and, like most men, or beings in general, he got hooked on the Twi’lek pilot. Nothing new there. But he did save her life and in the process had proven himself a capable fighter, so she saw no harm in taking him on as crew. 

“Remind me why we aren’t shooting?”

“Almost…” Hera scrunched her nose and placed her hand on the throttle.

“Not sure if you’ve noticed, but we’ve got two TIEs closing in fast.” Kanan said, sitting up a little straighter.

“Thanks for the update.” Hera rolled her eyes. “Got it!” She pulled back and the ship shot between the fighters, safely into hyperspace.

“Do you always have to make it so close?” The drifter groaned, running his hand through his hair; a nervous tell he’d never been able to quit.

“Gotta make things more interesting. The Empire is too predictable.” Hera grinned and stood up. “I’m gonna go make some caf.”

Okay so it was going to be another day with burned caf. Great.

“One of these days you’re going to get too close and blast yourself into a million pieces.” Kanan whispered, only mostly to himself.

“I heard that!” Hera yelled over her shoulder. Kanan breathed out a chuckle and followed the captain. She was young, maybe 20 now, but very capable, and easily the best pilot Kanan had ever met, which was saying quite a bit. He admired her for that, he really did. The view was pretty great, too. He felt his eyes drift down a bit and could almost swear that Hera’s hips had a more pronounced sway than normal...not that he was complaining, of course.

Hera made a beeline for the cabinet that stored the caf but Kanan lept in front of her.  
“Let me do it.”

“I am perfectly capable of making caf, Jarrus.” Debatable…

“Technically, sure, but I’d rather not drink caf that tastes like it’s from Mustafar.” Kanan smirked.

“Mustafar?” Hera furrowed her brow and Kanan’s face fell a bit.

“Uh, volcanic planet in the Outer Rim. Not a good place.”

“Why’s that?”

“Let’s just say the only thing Jedi do there is die.” He clenched his jaw. Hera knew he’d been a Jedi--that much had been obvious when he managed to prevent a catwalk from falling on her. But the way he tensed up whenever the Jedi were mentioned kept her from prodding him about it. Or about anything in his past, really.

“Oh. Okay.” She tried giving an understanding smile before going to sit in the wooden chair she’d brought with her from Ryloth. He clearly didn’t want to talk about it and Hera didn’t feel like pushing him.

“Here,” he said, leaning down to hand Hera a cup of caf with a soft smile.

“Thank you.” She took it and sipped. She burned her tongue but at the same time, didn’t really care. Kanan was still a little close, but she pretended not to notice.

Until, that is, her maniacal astromech wheeled himself into the room, noticed how close the man was to the pilot, and shocked him.

“HEY! What was that for?!” Kanan yelped, hand clapping over his shin. The droid chuckled and sped toward the engine room. “Get back here, you pathetic excuse for a bucket of bolts!” Hera laughed as she watched Kanan take off in pursuit of Chopper. He had a knack for abusing Kanan when he thought he was getting too close to Hera.

There was a loud crash, some choice words were yelled, and another laugh from Chopper. For a Jedi, Kanan sure got his ass handed to him by a droid quite often. 

***

Kanan groaned as he applied a bacta patch to his hip. Damned rust bucket had rammed into him while he was cutting up vegetables for his and Hera’s dinner and the knife slipped right into him. Somehow. He wasn’t entirely sure of how Chopper had managed it. But he wasn’t super concerned. He took the opportunity and removed the droid’s battery while he was distracted by his own celebration. Hera probably wouldn’t be happy about the last part, but Kanan could live with that. 

The cool of the patch caught him off guard and he winced. He audibly groaned when he heard Hera’s footsteps coming down the hall and she was booking it. Great. Because that’s exactly what he needed to deal with.

“What’s burning?” She asked as the door slid open.

“Nothing. That’s just the smell of something that’s actually being properly cooked.” Kanan replied, smoothing the patch over one last time before pulling his shirt over it.

“Funny.” She paused. “What’d you do?”

“It wasn’t me, it was your idiot droid.” Kanan rolled his eyes as he washed his hands. “He thought running into me while I was cutting up stuff for dinner.”

“And what did you do to him?” Hera cocked an eyebrow. Of course she was more concerned about her homicidal robot.

“Nothing!” Kanan yelped defensively. “At least, not until after he stabbed me.”

“Sounds more like you don’t know how to handle a knife, Kanan.” Hera smirked and Kanan pouted, turning back to his work.

“Whatever. But can we at least wait until after we eat before he gets his battery back?”

Hera seemed to consider for a moment before shrugging. “How bad’s the wound?”

“I’ve had worse.”

“Good to hear. That means Chopper gets to power up now.” Hera grinned so hard she squinted. Kanan rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Just keep him away from me.”


	2. Chapter 2

The Ghost was quiet--a little too quiet. Hera was sure Kanan was probably still asleep, as he’d been awake in the unholy hours of the night cycle. Again. She hated when that happened because that usually meant he’d spend most of the following day asleep in his quarters, but he’d still manage to be around when he needed to help with missions, so she couldn’t be terribly upset with him. Chopper made his way into the galley, mumbling about useless lazy organics. A new pastime of his since Kanan joined the crew.

“Chop, take it easy on him, okay?” Hera sighed, “He probably has a good reason.”

Chopper blew a raspberry before warbling emphatically.

“No, I don’t know why, and frankly, I don’t need to. Not right now.”

The droid responded with a series of colorful chirps.

“Chopper, really. Kanan’s a lot of things, but I really don’t think he’s--”

“Don’t think I’m what?” Kanan stood leaning in the doorway, scratching the side of his head. Hera jumped at the sudden interruption, but managed to recover relatively quickly.

“You’re up.”

“Sleeping in is nice and all, but I try to draw the line at 1300.” Kanan chuckled.

“What time did you end up going to sleep?” Hera asked, walking over to the counter to pour Kanan a cup of caf.

“Not too late.”

“Is that why I heard you walking around at 0400?” Hera raised an eyebrow in a challenge before handing Kanan the drink.

“Kriff, did I wake you?” Aw, Kanan seemed legitimately upset at the thought.

“No. I got a transmission from Fulcrum.” Hera shook her head on the way back to the table. Kanan smirked.

“This Fulcrum is sounding less like a boss and more like a jealous boyfriend. What, does he not like me being here?” His voice had a bit of an edge to it, but Hera couldn’t quite pinpoint it, so she just rolled her eyes.

“Fulcrum isn’t really a boss, more like an ally. And I am not having a boyfriend talk with you.”

“So there is a boyfriend.” Kanan chuckled. 

“No. And you shouldn’t assume I’m straight in the first place.” Hera rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time in the five minutes Kanan had been awake; a new record for him. His eyebrows shot up at the prospect.

“You’re gay?” He all but squeaked. That would explain why she only ever replied to his flirting with sarcasm…

“More than two sexualities, Jarrus. But like I said, not having this conversation with you.”

“Oh.” Was all Kanan could manage and Hera turned all her focus to suppressing a groan. This was why she never talked about her...preferences. The stereotypes against Twi’leks were bad enough, and that was before people found out she wasn’t particularly picky.

“Hey, did I ever tell you about that time I was pretty much drop-kicked out of a bar by my boss on Saleucami?” Kanan said with a laugh after a few minutes of heavy silence. Hera raised an eyebrow--Kanan getting kicked out of a bar? So basically every time he’d ever walked into one?

“Which time?” She asked airily. Kanan chuckled.

“Fair enough. I’d been working there for maybe two days before my boss grabbed me by my ear, dragged me to the door, then planted a foot in my ass.”

“Let me guess,” Hera said, not looking up from the datapad she’d suddenly become very interested in, “he caught you with his daughter in the back.”

“No, that time she caught me with her son.” Hera sputtered into her caf and set her datapad aside.

“Son?” Was all she could manage to choke out. She cleared her throat. “Wait, you’ve been with guys?”

“Oh yeah. Loads.” He winced a little, trying to recover with what Hera assumed was an attempt at a proud grin. She studied him for a moment, searching for any sign of jest, finding none. 

“I’m bi, too, Hera. Close your mouth or your jaw will go numb.”

“What, trying to one up me?” She smirked.

“No, just letting you know you’re not the only interesting one on this ship.” Kanan grinned and took his caf back to his quarters. Hera sat beside herself, aimlessly stirring her drink. She hadn’t expected much, but she sure as all hells hadn’t expected that.   
He didn’t seem upset when he left, but Hera still felt a general air of unease in the ship. Sure, Kanan was krass and 80% of his personality up to that point had been focused on hitting on her, but she still found herself feeling a little bad about the way she’d reacted to him. He certainly wasn’t the type to fall into the belief of speciesist stereotypes, or at least not stupid enough to let her know that he did--though in his defense, Hera was sure it was the former. Hell, she reacted to his revelation in a way that could be perceived as more negatively than he did to hers. 

Hera sighed and made her way to Kanan’s cabin. The last thing she wanted was for him to lock himself away the entire day. And although she would never admit it to him, she was hungry and he’d definitely spoiled her with his cooking over the past year. She knocked lightly three times.

“It’s open.” 

Hera exhaled softly and opened the door. Kanan sat on his knees on the floor, eyes closed, looking more serene than Hera had ever seen him. It was a nice look for him.

“Hey. I, uh, just wanted to apologize for that. I didn’t mean it in a bad way, I just didn’t expect it.” She gripped her elbow nervously, although she wasn’t entirely sure why. Kanan chuckled, but kept his eyes closed.

“I know, Hera.” he took one last deep breath before opening his eyes and standing up. “I wasn’t trying to be an ass, either. You just caught me off guard because you’ve never really talked about yourself for as long as I’ve been here, and that was the first big sort of thing you’ve told me about yourself.”

“I know, Kanan.”

“So we’re good, right?” Kanan raised his eyebrows almost hopefully.

“We’re good.” Hera grinned.

“Good. What’s on the schedule today, Captain?”


	3. Chapter 3

Kanan couldn’t help but cry out in surprise when he was flung into the wall of the loading bay. The offending party stood a few feet away, growling deeply. 

“Hera, remind me why we’re hauling around a kriffing blurrg?”

“I told you not to open the crate!” Hera yelled, exasperation slightly overshadowed by amusement. She stood at the platform above Kanan, clearly enjoying the view. 

“Yeah, well, I got curious!”

“And curiosity killed the loth-cat, Kanan.” She laughed. 

“Don’t let this blurrg kill me. Because I’m pretty sure he wants to.”

“You’re a Jedi, I’m sure you can handle a lowly blurrg.” She said, folding her arms over the railing. “And anyway, if he does want to kill you, he’ll have to get in line. Because if he makes a mess of the Ghost, I will be the one killing you. Now get it back in the crate and get back to cleaning.”

Kanan scowled. “Aye, aye, Cap.”

Hera laughed to herself and made her way up to the cockpit, flinching at the sound of a loud crash followed by what she assumed was the stack of crates they’d just picked up toppling over. She silently hoped at least one fell on Kanan--it would’ve served him right for letting a damn animal out of its cage in her ship.

A few curses and bangs later, she heard Kanan yell triumphantly and she smiled. Idiot.

Hera sighed and made her way to the galley to curb her caf craving, which had gotten significantly worse since Kanan joined her, not that she was complaining. It wasn’t her fault the man had a way with the caf machine. 

As she sipped her drink, she noticed Kanan had started singing as he swept the cargo bay. He did that a lot; it was one of the first things Hera’d learned about him. And he was good. She tried not noticing, but always found herself sitting back and listening along. He never listened to music as he sang, but that didn’t stop Hera from looking up what exactly he was singing. Most of the time, she preferred his renditions to the originals, which, surprisingly to her, were usually sappy love songs. It caught her a little off guard, given what she knew about his “dating” history, if you could even call it that. But she didn’t really care since it was a nice change from the music she’d gotten used to.

The next thing Hera knew, she was standing above the bay again, caf carefully held in her hands, watching as Kanan swept. As far as she could tell, he hadn’t noticed her.

“Sorry. Cleaning always puts me in a singing mood.” The sudden change startled Hera and she almost dropped her cup.

“No!” She exclaimed, a little too quickly for her taste. “It’s okay! It’s relaxing. I like it.”

Shut up, Syndulla!

“I’m sorry I interrupted you.” She added sheepishly.

“It’s okay,” He laughed, “I don’t mind. It’s just you.”

Just...? What the hells did that mean? Hera shook her head. It was Kanan. That shouldn’t be bothering her. 

“I’m going to go run a diagnostic on the Phantom before I meet up with Fulcrum this evening.” She said in a clipped tone. Kanan raised an eyebrow but didn’t push it.

“Okay. I’ll be here for a while. Who knew blurrgs could shit so much?”

“I did, and I told you that, but you just had to let it out.”

“Maybe I wanted a friend on this ship. Chopper still tries killing me every day and you’re kind of mean sometimes.” He grumbled.

“If it means keeping my ship in order, sure.” Hera laughed on her way to the Phantom.

An hour later she found herself loading up. Technically she wasn’t going to meet with Fulcrum for another three hours or so, but Hera felt as though she was suffocating on her own damn ship. She couldn’t quite place it, as nothing had really happened, but all that she knew was that she needed out.

Kanan sensed it but he didn’t know what to make of it. Letting out the blurrg, maybe? Sure, Hera would get snippy when he caused a mess but she knew he would always clean it up, so she never seemed to get legitimately angry over it. He set the broom aside and sat on a crate. He hadn’t really flirted with her in a few days, so it couldn’t be that…

He groaned and nervously ran a hand through his hair. Maybe she was finally sick of him and wanted him out. It definitely wouldn’t be the first time that had happened to him. Except now the problem was that he didn’t want to leave. He was comfortable for once. Happy. He felt useful and borderline peaceful. But if Hera wanted him out, he’d go. He cared too much to put her out like that and he respected her too much to put himself first. 

If only she’d kriffing tell him what was going on.

He sighed and headed up to the galley. Worrying about it wasn’t going to help him in the slightest, so he might as well just make himself useful. He pushed the “while you can” down and pulled up some Rylothian recipes. He wasn’t sure what Hera’s favorite would be, but settled on rycrit stew. It appeared to be relatively easy and he’d only have to buy rycrit meat since they had everything else he’d need.

***

Hera exhaled loudly as the Phantom locked into place. The meet up with Fulcrum went relatively well. She had a new list of missions that could help fund them for a good while, and a few of them felt like extra strong blows against the Empire and that was always good. She flipped a few switches then made her way onto the Ghost, though she came to a stop when she smelled…

No way. 

She quickly made her way to the kitchen to find Kanan leaning on the counter, intently focused on his datapad.

“Hey, I was wondering when you’d get back.” He said, not bothering to look up.

“Yeah. Are you making rycrit stew?” Hera asked, peeking into the pot. Sure enough…

“Oh, yeah. It should be done in ten. It’s okay if it isn’t any good. I’ve never made it before.”

Hera furrowed her brow. Kanan was far from his usual self. He seemed withdrawn and almost small.

“Well it smells amazing, so I’m sure it’ll be great. It’s actually my favorite food, but I haven’t really had it since I left Ryloth.” She studied Kanan for a few more seconds. “I’m going to go wash up, okay?”

He nodded and grabbed two bowls, still keeping his attention on the datapad. Hera frowned. What had happened while she’d been gone? She scanned the ship looking for any sign of damage and found none. The blurrg was sleeping soundly in its crate and even Chopper was relaxed.

“Chop!” She whispered. The droid followed her into the refresher without saying anything. “What happened while I was gone?”

The droid shrugged his manipulators and warbled.

“Clearly something happened. Why is Kanan acting like that?”

Chopper laughed and beeped.

“Stop calling him a stupid organic. If you remember, I’m organic, too.” She regretted saying it though, because she knew what was coming next. “I know I’m not stupid. Neither is Kanan. Did he say anything while I was gone?”

Chopper hummed before shrugging again, then spat out a series of warbles.

“The hells is he beating himself up over? It isn’t like he did anything. And don’t say him coming on this ship was ‘something’.” Hera crossed her arms. The droid laughed then rolled into the hallway without saying anything. She sighed and made her way back into the kitchen. Kanan sat at the table now, aimlessly dragging his spoon around his bowl.

“How is it?” Hera asked lightly.

“Dunno. Haven’t tried it yet. I was waiting for you.”

Hera smiled softly, fixed her bowl, then made her way to the table, not bothering to wait before taking a bite.

“Kanan, this is good. Really good.” She said sincerely, shoving another spoonful into her mouth. Kanan perked up at that.

“Really?” He asked. Hera nodded and grinned.

“Yes. Thank you.” She felt herself relaxing as the dark cloud that seemed to have been hanging over Kanan started to lift. She wasn’t sure she wanted to ask what was wrong because he probably wouldn’t want to talk about it, if his attitude toward his night terrors were any indication. Maybe she’d bring it up someday, but at that point, she just wanted to sit in the comfortable silence that seemed to fill mealtimes with Kanan.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters up today since the Chiefs pulled off a Super Bowl win!

Hera tucked her datapad under her arm as she made her way past the refresher. There was a loud “KRIFF” coming from inside, so she stopped. 

“Kanan, you okay?” She asked cautiously. 

“No!” Kanan groaned and walked toward the door. “You can’t laugh.” Hera heard him sigh before keying the hatch open. She had to cover her mouth with her hand to keep from letting her jaw drop. Kanan’s hair was choppy and uneven; he looked like he’d been in a fight with a loth-cat...and lost.

“That...is really, really bad.”

“This is exactly why I usually keep it long.” He mumbled, fiddling with the scissors in his hands. 

“Just let me take care of your haircuts from now on because I really do not trust you to do it yourself and I have a reputation to uphold.”

“Yeah, blame your stupid droid. I was working on internal comm like you asked, and he decided to yank the tie out of my hair. Only a chunk of hair got caught in the clamp and he pulled it out at the root.” 

Chopper sped down the hall with a clump of hair in one of his manipulators, laughing victoriously. 

***

Hera groaned and pinched her nose. She was sitting in the galley after having laid in bed restlessly for at least two hours trying to fall asleep. But the memory of Kanan stopping the catwalk from falling on her during the Cynda incident kept replaying over and over. It happened pretty often, but she could usually push it away. He was a Jedi. She knew that. He didn’t talk about it and she understood but she had so many questions. How had he survived the purge? Hell, how old had he even been when it happened? What had he seen? What did he have to do to survive?

She actually wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer to that last one. Her thinking was interrupted when Kanan walked lazily into the room, eyes heavy with sleep. 

“Hey,” he gave a lopsided grin. 

“Hey.”

“Why are you up? Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine. Just can’t shut my mind off.”

Kanan’s grin turned into a smirk. “I can help with that.” Well... No. Stop. Because that isn’t going to happen. Hera lacked the conviction to fully convince herself, though. 

“My offer to throw you out the airlock while we’re in hyperspace still stands.” Hera retorted as Kanan handed her a mug. 

“All right, that’s fair.” Kanan chuckled and raised his hands in surrender. 

“Why are you awake?” Hera asked, sipping her drink. 

“Don’t worry about it.” His tone was entirely unconvincing. “Want something to eat? I’m starving.”

Hera nodded. She wasn’t really, but if she could get him to eat with her—which wouldn’t be a challenge in the slightest—she may get some answers. Kanan grinned and started scanning the cabinets. 

“What sounds good?”

“Anything, really. Not particularly picky right now.”

“Got it!” He exclaimed. 

“What?”

“Can’t tell you.” Kanan grinned so hard he hurt his cheeks, grabbing various ingredients out of cabinets and fridge. 

“And why is that?” Hera added an edge of annoyance to her voice but knew Kanan wasn’t buying it. She wouldn’t have, either. 

“It’s a surprise!”

Hera rolled her eyes and turned her attention to her datapad. If Kanan wanted to surprise her, she didn’t see an issue in indulging him. She checked her holonet messages before scrolling through various Imperial news outlets. 

They sat in a comfortable silence while Kanan got to work on his surprise. That was one of the things she liked most about him. While their banter was always fun, she appreciated that they could simply be in each other’s company without feeling the need to talk the entire time. It was comfortable. 

“And here you go, Captain!” Kanan exclaimed, sliding a plate full of meiloorun tarts onto the table. 

“You didn’t.” Hera couldn’t hide her grin. 

“I did. I’ve told you, never underestimate a Jedi.” Well, ask for a segue and you shall receive...

“Actually, about that…”

“Yeah,” Kanan palmed the back of his neck, “I guess I haven’t really gone into that, have I?”

“You don’t have to.” Hera said quickly. 

“No, no. You deserve to know and it might do me some good to talk about it for once.” 

“You don’t have to tell me. I just want you to know that I’m here.” Hera said softly, hand on Kanan’s arm. 

“I want to.”

“Then I’m listening.” 

Kanan smiled and let out a sigh. 

“I was Caleb then. Caleb Dume. I grew up at the Temple on Coruscant. I’m not sure where I was born or who my parents were. The Jedi took kids at a young age to break the whole parental bond thing to prevent forming attachments and start training as soon as possible.” So when he’d said he was from “around”, he really didn’t know…

“Life at the Temple was weird. Not bad, but I got picked on a lot because I was kinda weird, even by Jedi standards.” Kanan laughed. “Then when I was 13, I was chosen as a padawan by Master Depa Billaba. Thirteen was relatively young for that and I caught some flak because of it but I didn’t really care because all I’d ever wanted was a master. And Master Billaba was the best I could’ve gotten. She’s the closest thing I had to a mother.” He let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes. Hera instinctively reached for his hand. 

“Then it happened. Chancellor Palpatine declared himself emperor and issued Order 66. Billaba’s own men...They gunned her down with no hesitation then came after me.”

Hera couldn’t take her eyes away from Kanan and noticed the tic in his jaw; the one he only got when trying to mask himself. She’d hoped she’d seen the last of it, but... 

“I was on the run for a while. Didn’t eat or sleep for a week. No credits and having a battalion of clones searching for you makes that all a little hard. Eventually I met this thief and he took me in for a bit, but I left not long after. From there I kinda hopped from one planet to the next. Never wanted to stay in one place for very long, even after the clones had stopped looking for me. Although flying out of an airlock makes it kinda hard to keep searching for a kid.” Kanan chuckled darkly. 

“Kanan, I…” Hera didn’t know what to say. What could she say? He glanced at her nervously. “I’m glad you made it. Things are a lot brighter with you around, even if you don’t see it that way.” 

“I am, too.” Kanan grinned. Now.

***

Kanan watched Hera pour herself some caf. She could feel his eyes on her, but didn’t say anything. She wouldn’t admit it to herself, but she actually kind of liked when he looked at her. He didn’t do it the way most human men did when it came to Twi’leks. No, his eyes were always full of admiration and wonder. Sure, he flirted a lot--and terribly most of the time--but never to the point where she was truly uncomfortable or felt like he was objectifying her. He was just honest and his intentions, as far as Hera could tell, were pure.

And beyond that, she caught herself staring at him just as often as he did to her. Although she couldn’t necessarily say the same about not objectifying him; more along the lines of appreciation, sure, but blast it to hell, that man was beautiful. And he was tall. Not that short people had ever been a deterrent for Hera; she just really liked being the short one. But his muscles drove Hera insane. She even found herself sneaking around her own ship at night hoping to see him because all he wore to bed was a pair of loose-fitting pants that hung off his hips in just the right way. She couldn’t stare for long, though, because that’s when her mind would start to wander, musing about how they would look and feel if he was-- no. Hera was not going to follow that train of thought. Not necessarily for her own sake, but because she knew the Jedi had that creepy mind-reading thing they did and she was not about to risk him finding out.

But still…

Before going to sleep that night, Hera cursed herself before she slid her hand down and thought about Kanan, silently hoping he could hear her. 

***

Kanan studied Hera carefully. She was in full-blown captain mode and in total control of the situation, which he’d quickly learned she valued above all else. But in his experience, it was the control freaks that really loved losing control, in the right situations. He cocked an eyebrow. Was Hera like that? His gut gave an immediate yes, and his chest tightened. The things he’d do just to find out….

NO. Hera was incredible, and though he would love nothing more than to find out everything about her, he didn’t want to reduce her to that. He respected her far too much and it wasn’t like she’d ever go for it in the first place...but still...the thought was very, very nice.

“What?”

Kanan snapped back and stared at Hera, eyes wide.

“Huh?”

Hera rolled her eyes.

“You’ve been staring at me for the last three minutes. Can you focus?” She regarded him suspiciously and Kanan felt his cheeks light up.

“Oh. Yeah, I’m good. Sorry.” He choked. Hera narrowed her eyes but turned back to the viewport.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hera gets hurt and it's nurse Kanan to the rescue!

Kanan sighed and twisted his lightsaber together, holding it carefully in his hand. He hadn’t used it in years and for a while, wasn’t sure why he even kept it. Security blanket, maybe. He squeezed his eyes shut as he ignited it and the hum of the blade washed over him like a tidal wave. 

He twirled it a few times, testing the weight in his hand. 

“Here goes nothing…” he groaned and worked through various soresu movements. He was definitely rusty, but he felt more at peace than he had for as long as he could remember. As the minutes passed, he found himself speeding up and felt as though rust fell off his limbs with every strike. 

And then he heard blaster fire. Before he could drop the Ghost’s ramp to investigate, he heard her. 

“KANAN!”

Shit. Shit shit shit shit.

“Hera?” He called, slamming his fist against the ramp’s release. She was lying on the ground, one hand covering her leg and the other reaching for the blaster lying a few feet away. Four stormtroopers stood around her, weapons drawn. 

“NO!” His cry sounded almost inhuman. He burst forward at an impossible speed, striking down two troopers in the process. The ones still standing aimed at him and he grinned. 

That’s right. 

He threw his lightsaber at one, then flicked his hand to guide it toward another and they both fell to the ground with loud thumps. He pulled his saber back into his hand, deactivated it, then made a beeline for Hera, dropping to his knees and examining her wound. Hera didn’t even attempt to disguise her wonder.

“The shot missed your femoral artery. You’re gonna be okay. You’ll be okay, I promise.”

“You convincing me or yourself?” Hera smirked, failing to mask the pain in her eyes. 

“Don’t do that again.” Kanan laughed, pulling Hera into a tight hug before helping her up and into the Ghost. He rummaged through the overheads, cursing under his breath. “Here. Let me see your leg.”

“Kanan, I’m fine. I can handle a little bacta and synthskin. The wound isn’t even that bad.”

“Hera, no offense, but I have way more training in this than you do. Just let me see.” Ass. 

“Fine.” Hera undid her flight suit and shimmied it off so that she sat in her shorts and undershirt. Kanan froze, though only for a moment, before he carefully got to work tending to the wound and Hera felt herself stiffen up at his fingers carefully brushing along her thigh. His mouth was pressed into a fine line and brows furrowed. He’s adorable...Stop it, Syndulla! 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing!” Hera choked out just a bit too high-pitched.

“Don’t even need to be a Jedi to know that was a lie.” He laughed. “If you don’t want to talk about it, fine. But I am here for you, Hera.” Shit. 

Kanan still looked at her with unease. 

“Kanan, I’m fine. Stop worrying.”

“If you don’t want me to worry, don’t get shot.” He smoothed the bacta patch over one last time then leaned back. “There. Good as new.”

“Can you help me to my bunk? Bacta always makes me tired.” Hera asked, rubbing her eyes. Kanan smiled softly and dipped his shoulder under Hera’s arm, gently pulling her up. 

“You got it, Captain.”

He led her down the hall and to her bed. As soon as he pulled away, Hera felt herself missing his presence. She knew it wasn’t a good idea and that she absolutely shouldn’t say anything, but at that point, she was too tired to care. 

“Kanan, wait.”

“What’s up?”

Hera hesitated. “Don’t go.” She said in a small voice.

Kanan quickly sat down across from the bunk, propping his chin up on his hand. 

“That can’t be comfortable.”

“I can make do.” He smiled warmly. 

“No.” Hera closed her eyes and sighed. “Just...come here.” Kanan raised his eyebrows but did as he was told. 

“Do you want me to lie down?” He asked softly. Hera nodded. He slid up against her and carefully draped an arm around her waist, heart nearly pounding out of his chest. He silently pled with the Force to keep Hera from noticing. 

Friends cuddled platonically, right? Captain and crew, no. But friends did, and Kanan was pretty sure they were friends. 

“Thank you, Kanan.”

“Gotta keep you healthy, Captain.”

Hera made a noise of contentment and settled into Kanan’s side. 

Yup. Kanan was screwed. 

***

Hera woke with a start the next morning. Kanan’s arm was still over her hip, forcing her to realize that yes, she did ask him to stay with her the night before and that yes she just woke up in bed with Kanan. Wonderful. 

“Hey, Kanan, wake up.” 

He grumbled and hid his face in the pillow. 

“Too early.”

“Too bad. Fulcrum’s going to be calling any minute.” Not true in the slightest, but Hera didn’t want to deal with it. Not that she was uncomfortable, no, the problem is that she was comfortable. She hadn’t slept that well since before she left Ryloth. 

“All right, all right. Might want to change your bacta patch first, though.” He said, making his way to his own room. 

“Yeah, I’ll be sure to.” She hid out in her room for an hour. Not necessarily from Kanan, more from having to acknowledge the fact that she’d broken. She didn’t even want to attempt to justify it. But she knew she couldn’t hide all day, so she made her way to the cockpit to clean. 

Chopper was waiting for her and as soon as she walked in, he started warbling excitedly. 

“Don’t look at me like that.” She groaned. The droid sputtered. 

“Chopper, what I do at night is none of your business.”

Chopper responded with an accusatory “wuh-WAH!”. 

“No. We didn’t.” Hera crossed her arms, but didn’t anticipate her voice going up an octave...or two. 

Chopper replied with a few choice beeps. 

“Maybe I just like being held sometimes! Why does it matter?!”

The astromech tilted himself forward and sputtered indignantly. 

“I am not getting defensive.”

Chopper laughed and whooped. 

“Okay, fine, even if I did want to, which I don’t, what would it matter?” Hera challenged. The orange menace spat out a long list of insults about Kanan. 

“He may be a meatbag but he isn’t useless. You should really stop shocking him so much. And hurting him in general, really.” Hera said quietly, patting the top of Chopper’s dome.

Unbeknownst to Hera, Kanan heard every word as he stood in the doorway of his quarters and smiled to himself before he went to the kitchen to get Hera one of the meiloorun tarts. 

“Thought you might be hungry.” He said, holding the plate in front of the captain. She grabbed it eagerly. 

“This is exactly why I keep you on this ship.”

“No other reasons?” He raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“Nope.” Hera grinned, mouth full. 

That night, Hera sighed and made her way to Kanan’s room after a good hour’s worth of tossing and turning. But she still wasn’t about to admit that she slept better with him than she did on her own. Chopper shot her a disapproving look as she crossed the hall, but she merely rolled her eyes. Starting another argument with the droid was the last thing she wanted.

She shook her head and opened the hatch and Kanan shot up so quickly he slammed his head against the bottom of the top bunk, clutching his blanket over his lower half, but not before Hera noticed that he was at least half naked and in the middle of some “Kanan Time”. 

“Hera!” He squeaked, bunching the blanket up over his crotch. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh, kark. I’m sorry! Everything’s fine I was just...sorry!” Hera squeaked, turning on her heel to escape into her own room. 

Sleeping in the same bunk quickly became a thing for Kanan and Hera. Hera, of course, refused to acknowledge it during the daytime. She told herself she was doing it for Kanan, since his nightmares had almost disappeared entirely since they’d gotten into the swing of things. Before, he’d wake up screaming most nights. Within a couple of weeks of sharing a bed with Hera, he was down to maybe two every two weeks, and rather than thrashing and screaming, he mostly whimpered, and Hera could even calm him down before he managed to wake up. 

See, Kanan had a tell that predicted he’d wake up from a nightmare soon. His left wrist would twitch, his nose would scrunch up briefly. About two minutes later, he’d stir and become more vocal. Hera quickly became very attuned to the tell whenever they bunked together. She’d start running her hand through his hair and rubbing his back in an attempt to get a head start on grounding him when he awoke, if he even did. Most of the time, it was about his master being killed by the clones, but Kanan occasionally had visions in his sleep—distressing ones. 

Hera hated it, but not because it woke her up. She hated knowing he was essentially doomed to relive the worst part of his life, over and over and over. Sure, she had her fair share of bad dreams, usually centered around her mother and brother, but she was thankful she didn’t have to watch them die. Kanan didn’t have that luxury. 

So she took to comforting him and found that doing so even helped ground her. She found it far easier to be a nurturing presence to him when he couldn’t respond with some half-assed pickup line. 

That was all far easier to admit than her wanting to be closer to him only to discover that every step forward she took with him only left her wanting more. 

***

“We’ve talked about my dating history, but not yours.”

“Didn’t know a long string of meaningless sex was dating,” Hera smirked, “but yes, we did.”

“Nope. All I know is that you’re into guys and girls.”

“Why do you need to know about my relationships?”

“I don’t. I’m just curious.”

Hera sighed. 

“All right, fine. I’ve dated two people. Neither ended well. He was too controlling and a general piece of poodoo, and I wasn’t going to put up with that. She wanted too much too fast.”

“Just those two? Really?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing!” Kanan squeaked. “I just, I don’t know. By the time I was 20, I’d been with…” Kanan stopped to count on his fingers but quickly put his hands away. “More than that.”

“I said I dated two people. Never said anything about anything else.”

“Right. Sorry.” 

***

“Hey, I’m going to go into town for a bit. Shouldn’t be gone long!” Kanan yelled, quickly making his way down the ramp of the Ghost before Hera could catch up and ask further questions. Hera crossed her arms and frowned. She had a bad feeling about things but couldn’t quite place it. Kanan hadn’t had a drink in at least four months, which was great, but she would’ve been lying if she said she didn’t still worry about it.

Hours passed and Kanan still hadn’t returned, which did absolutely nothing for the sinking feeling in Hera’s gut. Maybe he wasn’t drinking. Maybe he was off trying to pick up a girl. As if that would be any better…

She reached for her commlink after another half hour passed. She hated having to check in with him, but she wasn’t sure what he expected by going off with basically no explanation for hours at a time when they were on a strict schedule.

Before she got the chance to comm, the ramp lowered. Hera braced herself for the overwhelming scent of alcohol or cheap perfume and tried ignoring the thermal detonator in her gut. Kanan made his way into the loading bay, seemingly stone cold sober. 

“Hey. Have fun?” She asked cooly, arms crossed and avoiding his gaze.

“It was okay. Nothing too eventful.”

Hera raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. Kanan walked over to the sink and filled a cup with some water, downing it in a few big gulps. 

“How was your night?” He asked.

“Boring. Chopper kicked my ass in sabacc.” Hera tried to refrain from grimacing at her tone--tried. Kanan looked at her suspiciously. 

“That’s because you have a terrible sabacc face.” 

“Well I didn’t spend years drinking and gambling and…”

“Whoring your way through the galaxy?” Kanan smirked. “Maybe not, but you still haven’t beaten me at cards, so I’d say it’s worth it.”

Hera laughed but it sounded empty. 

“Hey. What’s going on?” Kanan turned to face her, expression suddenly serious. 

“Nothing.”

“You know I know you better than that, right?”

“You know I know you’re just prying, right?” She matched his tone, adding just a dash of annoyance.

“No, Hera, I’m not.” Kanan sighed. “Look, I know you’re all about self-sacrificing and self sufficiency and kicking others out no matter how much you need them, but you don’t have to do that with me. You know that.”

Hera weighed it for a moment. 

“It’s stupid. Don’t worry about it.”

“A little late for that, sweetheart.” He said softly. Hera’s stomach soured at the nickname.

“Kanan, really, I’m fine. You were just gone longer than I expected. I thought you got your ass kicked by stormtroopers.” Which, in Hera’s defense, wasn’t entirely false. 

“Third rate troopers don’t have anything on me.” He laughed. “I’m sorry, though. I got sidetracked at the market.”

Sidetracked…

“Which reminds me, I got you something!” He grinned excitedly.

Wait, what?

“You did?”

“Yeah, that was the whole point! But finding something good enough took way longer than I expected.” Kanan chuckled, handing over a long gift-wrapped box. “Happy birthday, Hera.”

She unwrapped the little box to find a brand new hydrospanner.

“I know it isn’t much, but you broke yours so I thought this was my best bet.” Kanan said, eyes to the floor. 

“Thank you, Kanan. I don’t know what to say.” Hera said softly.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Kanan grinned and sat at the dejarik table. 

“Hey.” Hera said, scooting into Kanan. It catches him off guard; Hera rarely made an effort to talk to him any time they were physically close. 

“Hey. You feeling better?” Kanan asked.

“Much.”

“Ever gonna tell me what it was? Because you know that even if I had run into a couple troops they wouldn’t have stood a chance.”

“It’s stupid.” Hera laughed.

“So then be stupid. Did you think I was getting drunk?”

“No.” She groaned. “I thought you might be out with someone.”

Kanan laughed. 

“I told you it was stupid.”

“Hells no. I’d rather be with you. So I’m sorry finding your present took so long. Kinda wasted half the day. But while I was out I thought of some stuff to do tomorrow to make up for it and I think you’re really going to like it!”

Hera glanced at his lips, licked her own, and started to lean in... only for Chopper to speed in warbling. She quickly jumped away from Kanan and made her way back toward the sink, though she wasn’t entirely sure of why.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Staying professional with the guy you're STRICTLY, literally sleeping with is harder than Hera anticipated.

Kanan crossed his arms and frowned. His mind had drifted to Hera—shocking—and the way she’d talked about her past relationships and the way she simply was. Maybe she didn’t even want a relationship in the first place. But Kanan couldn’t ignore the looks she gave him when she thought he wasn’t looking. Maybe she just wanted to get laid. Not that he would complain either way; anything with Hera was progress. 

***

One night, Kanan decided to launch a tickle attack. Hera seemed to have been having a good day, and spirits were high, he just hadn’t heard her laugh in a while and he missed that. The worst that could happen was a snap and that was a risk Kanan was willing to take. Anything was worth trying to make Hera smile. However, she ended up accidentally kneeing him in the crotch, Kanan folded over and went into a coughing fit. 

“Kanan, I am so, so sorry!” Hera seemed genuinely upset and framed his face.

“Kriffing Force, woman, you really do hate me, don’t you?”

“Only sometimes.” She grinned and kissed his cheek. Upon realizing what she did, she practically threw herself off the bunk. “I, uh, should get to bed. Good night!” She zipped out of Kanan’s quarters and across the hall to her own for the first time in three weeks. Kanan was still laying there dumbfounded and in pain. Hera didn’t sleep well that night. Neither did Kanan. 

That night, Kanan restlessly rolled around his bunk, any hint of sleep escaping him.

Kanan knew how he felt about Hera. He’d known since the day they’d met. It was never even a question. Jedi hangups regarding relationships didn’t bother him anymore. It was way, way behind him. Despite that, he’d never really gotten into relationships, unless one night stands or quick trips behind dirty cantinas counted. He was still set in the “no attachments” ways, but only as a means of protecting himself rather than having any wishes to follow the rules of the Order. He’d never cared much for the Jedi Order’s guidelines regarding such engagements, but he was afraid of losing the people he loved. Well, more people he loved. The decision to avoid meaningful relationships came very easily to him. Casual sex was more than enough to satisfy his need for interpersonal interaction...or so he’d tried convincing himself.

Though in his defense, it had been enough until Hera walked--or rather crashed--into his life. Or as she would’ve put it, when she made a very exciting landing into his life. Kanan breathed out a soft laugh. Hera was certainly something. Headstrong and stubborn almost to a fault, but fiercely loyal and gifted. Hell, she could keep up with his incessant flirting, which usually ended in shutting him down, but she made it fun. She made it feel like a game. And within a few weeks of being on the Ghost, it had become a game Kanan didn’t mind not winning. Did he want something with the pilot? Absolutely. More than anything. But for once, knowing it might not--or probably would not--happen didn’t concern him. He was just happy to be around her.

###

After a particularly successful supply run, Hera suggested they stop at a seedy cantina before loading back up on the Ghost. It surprised Kanan, to say the least, but he agreed. He could go for a little tea--Hera made him sober up within a couple of weeks on the Ghost.

While in the cantina, Kanan found himself rather distraught; Hera kept talking to people, which was fine, but he listened in to one of the conversations and felt his stomach sink. She was trying to set him up with someone.

“Hera, I appreciate the sentiment, but I really do not need a wingman.” He chuckled.

She scoffed. “You said you haven’t gotten laid in a year so I beg to differ.” 

Kanan snapped his head in Hera’s direction. “Did you ever think that might be intentional? That I don’t want to get involved with anybody?”

“I—“

“I’m not sure what you’re playing at, but I don’t like it.” Kanan downed the rest of his tea. “I’m going back to the Ghost.”

“I’m sorry, Kanan. Don’t go!”

Kanan’s only response was a wave over his shoulder. Hera turned back to her drink and glared.

What the hells had crawled up his ass and died? He had absolutely no reason to be so touchy about...well, anything. Not like that, anyway. She sighed, finished her drink, and made her way out of the cantina. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed she wasn’t alone. A Togruta seemed to have taken keen interest and she absolutely wasn’t in the mood, so she just kept walking. So did he. When her pace quickened, so did his. Great. 

“Look, I don’t know what you think you’re going to accomplish by--” She stopped when he grabbed her elbow. 

“I think you know how this is going to go.” He sneered. Hera rolled her eyes and weighed on when to reach down for her blaster. She didn’t get the chance.

“Not today, sleemo.” Hera jerked her head around just in time to see the Togruta take a blow to the face. 

“Kanan…”

“Let’s go.” He said gruffly, making his way to the spaceport.

“Kanan, stop. Now.” Hera crossed her arms. Kanan did as he was told, but didn’t turn to look at Hera. “I don’t know what’s pissed you off, but you need to stop lashing out like that. I’m sorry if I crossed a line, okay? You’re my friend and I just want to help.”

“That’s the problem.” He said, starting to walk again.

“Excuse me?”

Kanan exhaled loudly and finally stopped so that Hera could catch up with him. 

“I’m sorry. Just...that’s an area I’d rather not get into any time soon.”

“What area? Being friends?” What the hells was he on about?

“No,” he groaned, “you’re a great friend and I’m very happy I have you, but the whole dating, love-life kark...it’s not something I’m willing to pursue right now.”

“Not even a cute girl at a bar?” She hesitated, “Y’know, or guy.”

“No.”

That....didn’t line up with anything he’d previously told her about his past. At all. But she could tell the subject was getting more and more sore with him, so she decided to drop it.

“Okay. I’m sorry, Kanan.”

He smiled and bumped her shoulder.

“It’s okay, Cap.”

***

“Hera, what in all holy hells are you listening to?” It was a far cry from her usually more rock-oriented music selections. No, this, whatever the kriff it was, it was all sorts of string instruments, something Kanan assumed was a form of accordion, and some woodwinds.

“It’s a traditional Rylothian song!” Hera said defensively. “It’s actually pretty famous. They play a variation of it whenever Datsyuk scores in grav-ball. You know, the only Twi’lek on Lothal’s team?”

“Oh,” Kanan nodded, seeming to recall, “it’s a really old song, right?”

Hera nodded.

“Dates back to way before the Republic.” She explained. Kanan hummed.

“What’s it even about? My Ryl is okay, but I’m not that great when it comes to music.”

“Nothing, really. It’s about this type of tree native to Ryloth. Beautiful tree, it’s covered in white flowers that’ll end up turning into these really, really good red berries. There’s a ton of traditions that revolve around picking them.”

“Do you ever miss it?”

“Sometimes, yes. But not enough to make me want to go back.” Hera said in a tone that definitively ended the conversation.

***

Hera’s breathing picked up as her fingers worked faster. She didn’t have much time and she knew that, but it was urgent. Sparring with Kanan always affected her, and the only thing that set tonight above any other time was the intensity. She’d mistimed a strike and he took the opportunity to shift the energy, ending up with her pinned against the wall and a stupidly smug grin plastered across his face. Jerk.

Her breath hitched as she hit just the right spot, but she heard footsteps on the other side of the refresher door and she slowed down--stopping was simply out of the question at that point.

“Hera? Are you okay? You kinda ran out…”

“I’m fine,” she managed to choke out, cursing her voice for betraying her like that.

“You sure? You sound...off.”

“I’m fine,” She repeated, more out of breath than before. Just walk away, Jarrus…

“You don’t sound fine.” He clearly didn’t buy it and Hera couldn’t say she blamed him. He paused. “I’m coming--”

Get in line, Jedi.

“No!”

“Hera, don’t do this. Did I hurt you?”

As if he’d even still be standing if he’d hurt her…

“No.”

“Can I come in there and check?”

“Open that door and you’ll have a one-way ticket out the airlock, nerf herder!” Hera yelled. Kanan’s footsteps quietly retreated and Hera sighed in relief. About damn time.

She got back to work and quickly came undone. Thinking about Kanan always made that easy, though she’d rather not dwell on that part. She fixed her shorts, washed her hands, and went back toward the galley.

“Hey, sorry about that.” She grinned.

“Did I hurt you? I-if I did I need to know.” He asked in a low voice, slowly walking up to the now almost giddy captain.

“Kanan, you know that if you’d somehow managed to hurt me, I would’ve hurt you even more. I’m fine.” She patted his arm reassuringly, but Kanan still looked at her doubtfully.

“Then what was that all about?”

“Nothing. You worry too much, Jarrus.” Hera said airily. 

***

Hera slowly opened her eyes, not wanting to wake up, but knowing she had to. Still, she rolled back toward Kanan for extra warmth. She was greeted, although not in the way she’d expected. 

Hello there…

Hera couldn’t take her eyes away. Kanan was...impressive and that did absolutely nothing for her resolve to stay professional with him. Or rather, as professional as she could be while still bunking with him and stealing looks to admire his assets—like the one standing at attention now—and thinking about him in her private time. 

Kanan began to stir so she quickly turned back over and pretended to be asleep. Whatever restraint she somehow still had would crumble if he knew she’d seen him. 

“Kriff,” he whispered, rolling so that his back faced the Twi’lek and adjusting himself. When that didn’t work, he let out an exasperated sigh and carefully climbed over the “sleeping” captain and made his way to the refresher. 

Was he…? 

“Kriff it.” Hera slid off the bunk and quietly made her way toward the refresher, leaning toward the hatch to listen, only to cover her mouth with her hand when she heard him grunting. Her core tightened and she had half a mind to march into the refresher and do it for him, but shook her head. She couldn’t let herself get involved with Kanan. At least, no more than she already had. 

She wasn’t even entirely sure why she didn’t want to. He was kind and smart and brave and handsome as absolute hell...but that scared her. Everyone she’d ever let herself love let her down in some way. Vulnerability was a curse, not a strength. And it wasn’t something Hera wanted to risk. 

One last gasp from the refresher and she hurried back to her quarters. She wasn’t ready to risk all of that...was she? Convincing herself was becoming increasingly difficult.

###

The hyperdrive failed in the middle of travel and the lurch out of hyperspace flung Hera across the galley and she landed directly on her hip. She cried out in pain and Kanan came running down the hall. He’d been in the cargo bay working on his lightsaber forms.

“Kriff, Hera, are you okay?” He fell to his knees and reached for her, but let his hands hover over her shoulder and hip.

“No, Kanan, I’m not.” She grumbled.

“I can help with that.”

“If the next thing you say is some kriffing sex line, Kanan, I swear…”

“It’s not!” He squeaked. “I promise! I was gonna get some numbspray to see if that would help. And yes, I know you were going to finish that with some variation of throwing me out the airlock.” He smirked.

“Oh. Okay.”

Kanan applied it and helped Hera to her bunk, then laid down after her. She went to lay her head on his chest but her hip still hurt too much. 

“Here, switch sides with me. Give your bad hip a bit of a break.” Hera nodded, tried sliding over him, lost her footing and fell on top of him. A very heavy silence filled the bunk, their faces inches apart. Hera started to lean in but stopped herself and pulled away very abruptly. 

“Um, sorry. Lost balance.”

“It’s okay.” Kanan choked. “No harm done.”

This was going to go to shit, Hera knew it; she just wished she knew how it would end up happening and whether or not it’d be worth it in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the song tidbit was inspired by an old Russian song called "Kalinka". I know Ryloth is more French-heavy in terms of inspiration, but the song came on shuffle and this just sort of happened


	7. Chapter 7

Kanan and Hera stopped by a cafe with authentic food from Ryloth while on a mission on Sullust. Hera sat at the table while Kanan paid and waited for the food. The hostess was leaning over the counter toward Kanan with an unmistakable flirty grin, lekku swaying back and forth over her shoulders. Hera felt like there was a thermal detonator in her stomach, threatening to go off at any moment. Who the hell did that woman think she was, flirting with him like that? And right in front of Hera? She swallowed her rage. Not that she even had a right to be angry in the first place... It wasn’t like she…

Oh.

Oh.

This was bad.

Kanan nodded at the woman as she handed him the food but other than that didn’t seem to respond.

“Looks like you were having some fun over there.” Hera tried hiding the biting tone but didn’t even come close to succeeding. Kanan didn’t seem to notice.

“Oh, that? Nah.”

“Hm.” Hera took a bite of mynock.

“Not my type.” Yeah, right. From what she knew about his...extracurricular activities...anyone with a pulse and willingness to do something was Kanan’s type. He wasn’t a picky man, and in the time Hera had known him, she’d known that to be true.

“She’s pretty. You should go talk to her.” Another bite of mynock to hide the low tone in her voice.

“Nah, I’m pretty happy where I am right now.” Kanan grinned and winked. Hera’s stomach balled up. She couldn’t deny it anymore. She liked Kanan and she was an absolute goner. But how long could she hide it?

***  
A few more weeks passed, and Hera was constantly on edge and generally off in all things. Namely when she flew the Ghost. She’d even clipped the Ghost a few times, and was generally distracted and distant. She refused to tell Kanan what was wrong and he felt slighted, so he backed off. A lot. That’s when Hera’s panic really started to set in. She’d been cold and distant and pushing him away when he’d done absolutely nothing. They hadn’t shared a bunk in weeks and neither slept well.

One night in particular, even the idea of sleep eluded Hera, so she went and tinkered around in the engine room. Nothing really needed any repairs, but she needed to take her mind off of things. She loosened a pipe only to retighten it then do it all over again. But her wrench slipped, causing her hand to slip and bang against a bolt.

“Kriff!”

“Whoa, language, Captain.” Hera jumped, not knowing Kanan had been there or even how long he’d been there.

“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” Kanan asked,

“Shouldn’t you?” Hera spat. She didn’t mean for it to come out that way, but it did and she regretted it instantly. Kanan sipped his caf and knelt down so that he could see Hera eye-to-eye. Hera rolled her eyes and ran her tongue over the throbbing pain in her hand.

“Can’t.” Kanan shrugged.

“Why not?”

“Must you always ask so many questions?” Hera groaned.

“Actually, yes, I must. I’ve been this way since I was a youngling. Garnered quite the reputation at the Temple for it.” Kanan grinned and offered Hera his caf. “It’s overly sweet, just the way you like it.” She shook her head and went back to her “repairs”.

“I’m not surprised.” Hera replied flatly.

“What about you? What were you like as a kid?”

“Stubborn. Always getting myself into messes I had no business getting into. Trying to rebel against my father.” She smiled at the memories--the ones from before her mother died, of course.

“So you haven’t changed either, then.” Kanan said, plopping onto the floor next to Hera.

Hera laughed. “No, I guess I haven’t.” 

“You wanna tell me what’s wrong, yet? You’ve been pretty off for a few weeks now.” Hera avoided his gaze. “And don’t give me that bantha fodder about you being fine. You’re not.”

“I…”

“You don’t have to tell me what it is. I just want you to stop lying to me. Tell me something is wrong and I’ll leave you alone and let you deal with it, if that’s what you wantI know you better than that.” He stood up and sighed. “I don’t know why you still don’t trust me.”

“I do trust you, Kanan. You wouldn’t be on this ship if I didn’t.” Hera felt a new wave of panic settling in. He was pissed. He was about to get up in the middle of conversations he wouldn’t have dared leave before. Had he thought about leaving altogether?

“Then talk to me. You’ve been out of it for weeks now and it’s starting to affect your performance.” He set his caf aside and crossed his arms.

“My performance?”

“Yes. That tends to happen when one is distracted. You haven’t been focused.” Kanan said flatly.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Hera shook her head and picked up her hydrospanner.

“Oh? Then how do you explain how we clipped that asteroid the other day? It’s not like you weren’t flying; you were sitting there white-knuckled and staring directly in front of you, but you managed not to see the massive floating rock directly in our path. We would’ve collided if I hadn’t yanked on the yoke!” Kanan yelled. Hera sighed and looked down but didn't say anything. “Yeah. Thought so.”

Kanan shook his head and stood. Hera felt a renewed pang of panic she couldn’t explain, and before she could second guess herself, she shot up, grabbed Kanan by the shoulders and pulled him down so that she could kiss him. And she realized why all her friends never shut up about kissing humans. It was explosive, and it was fast, but it also froze time, and her core tightened. It felt right and Hera never wanted it to end. She noticed Kanan’s eyes were still wide open and while the idea only added to her growing levels of panic, she wasn’t done. Hera ran her tongue along his bottom lip. His eyes finally closed and his hands slid down to grip her hips.

“What was that?” He asked more breathlessly than he’d intended..

“I know you like asking questions, but I thought that was pretty obvious.”

“I mean, yeah, sort of, but I-I don’t want to assume--”

“You’re an idiot. You know that, right?” Hera smirked.

“I don’t know, being an idiot seems to work out for me.” Hera shook her head and smiled, pulling him in to kiss again. “You gonna tell me what’s been bothering you now?”

“Remember when we went to that cafe on Sullust and the hostess kept hitting on you?”

“Sort of.”

“I saw that and I just got so...mad. Which was completely stupid, i had no right to be angry.”

“Then why’d you try to get me to go hit on her?” Kanan frowned.

“Because I’d realized something and I didn’t want to acknowledge it. I thought it’d be easier if you just found someone else.” Hera wouldn’t look at Kanan then. The floor was suddenly far more interesting.

“Hera,” he laughed, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I haven’t so much as glanced at other women since I met you on Gorse.”

“You’re seriously trying to tell me that you haven’t gotten laid in a year?” 

Kanan shrugged. “Like I said, I haven’t even noticed other women once I met you. Besides, the Holonet’s been...never mind.” His cheeks flushed and suddenly the floor was interesting to Kanan as well.. 

“I just assumed--” Hera began.

“Now who’s the idiot? But seriously, Hera, you should really stop doing that.” Kanan laughed. “How long have you been sitting on that, anyway?”

“As in when did I first think about the possibility or when did I actually decide to do it?” Hera bit her lip.

“Both.” Kanan said after a beat.

“First considered it after a couple of months of you being here but didn’t decide to do it until two months ago.”

###

Neither could fall back asleep after that, so Hera went back to tinkering with the hyperdrive. Only she kept pulling away from her work to kiss Kanan, then go back to work, then back to Kanan. He got a real kick out of it by the third time it happened and he laughed harder than he had in weeks.

“You really can’t get enough of me, can you?” He grinned.

“Shut up.” But she was smiling. 

“Am I that good of a kisser or are you just that far gone?”

“Shut up.” She lightly tapped him with her hydrospanner that time.

“Ah, so it’s both, then!” Kanan was absolutely delighted by the information.

“You are such an idiot.”

“That may be true, but you’re still kissing me, so I think I can live with it.” Kanan gave a lopsided grin and Hera settled into his side, repairs and hydrospanner forgotten.


End file.
